I want Inside Amy Schumer to do a skit about drunk LinkedIn-ing.
I want Seinfeld to do an episode where Jerry obsesses to Elaine over how, while at dinner a couple nights before, he wasn’t able to tell whether his date was laughing or crying.
-Jerry and Elaine conspire for Elaine to “bump into” Jerry while he is on a date with the cry-laugher so that Elaine can see for herself what Jerry is talking about.
-Elaine agrees that it is almost impossible to tell weather the woman is laughing or crying.
-They pull George in on the action, and eventually Kramer, until all have witnessed the cry-laugh and are standing in Jerry’s apartment, up in arms over whether or not the cry-laugher is laughing or crying.
-Then we need some kind of confrontation between all of them and the cry-laugher…
—Maybe the cry-laugher has to come into Jerry’s apartment when they’re all there. Someone makes a joke about Jerry’s father, and the cry-laugher cry-laughs in response. After Jerry and co finish laughing, the cry-laugher is still cry-laughing. So, assuming she’s laughing, Jerry and co continue to laugh, attempting to make things less awkward. Unfortunately, this time the cry-laugher is crying- the joke made her think of her father who had recently passed! She takes them all for jerks and storms out of Jerry’s apartment, never to be heard from again.
I want Portlandia to do an episode about Carrie and Fred going on a day hike to a beach.
-Day 1: Carrie and Fred go to REI in order to pick up a couple of things, but end up buying everything, because they “need it.”
—“I need it! What does it do?”
-Day 2, Part I: Packing for the hike. Carrie and Fred wake up early to pack all of their new supplies- weeks worth of hiking gear for all weathers, 50 pairs of socks, sunscreen, dishware, a kayak, granola, a paddleboard with oars, bicycles, etc.- plus a couple more things, like a grill and their lawn ornaments.
-Day 2, Part II: Arriving at the trailhead. After a 2-hour drive (do something with the drive?), Carrie and Fred arrive at the trailhead and park their car. Noticing the sun was beginning to sit lower in the sky, Carrie decides to Google Map the distance between the trailhead and their destination. It turns out to be 6 miles. After telling Fred, they both decide it would be best for them to turn the car around and go home- they didn’t want to drive home in the dark and packing had taken up most of their day.
And I want Bravo to do a reality series called “The Beverly Hillbillies,” where they pick a random hillbilly family to live for 6 months in a mansion in Beverly Hills.
-Embarrassingly enough, I would definitely watch that.
-There are only a few glitches… For starters, there might be some licensing issues with that title. Then, it’d be pretty hard to find Beverly Hills neighbors willing to tolerate living next door to hicks for 6 months. And, even for a large cable network like Bravo, it’d be nearly impossible to supply a Beverly Hills lifestyle to a large family for 6 months. Most importantly, how would the “hillbilly” families be selected? Then again, if Honey Boo Boo happened, anything is possible.
Finally, I want Tom Haverford to be a real person, and I want him to be in my life.